Friendship is supposed to bring joy and comfort to those involved, but, sometimes, it is hard to tell who your true friends are. Finding a true friend is a good thing; it gives us companionship, support, and happiness. However, it is important to choose wisely when it comes to who we let into our lives, as some friendships can be more harmful than good. David said in Psalm 41:9 “Even my closest friend whom I trusted, the one who ate my bread, has lifted his heel against me.”

While some friends are busy trying help one another, others are busy scheming to bring someone down.
Friendship goes through a whole process. It takes time to know someone. We meet people under different circumstances. Some in school, others at church, in the areas where we live, through our friends, acquaintances, neighbors, work place, business, everywhere.

You may be in a group but something brings two or three people out of the group together. They may share common interests, etc., however, the attitude or reaction of a friend in a given situation will tell you whether this person is a true friend or not. Look at how the person react when there is disagreement or when you are in trouble or when something good happens to you. What is their reaction? Do they defend you or stay away from you when you are in trouble?

Good friends are open and honest. They respect their boundaries in the friendship. They encourage you to reach your goals and are always there for you. They protect and advise you and want the best for you. Some friends can help you reach higher heights. In fact, some friends can be closer than family, always willing to help. As Proverbs 18:24 puts it “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother”

David and Jonathan’s relationship is a perfect example of a true friendship. 1 Samuel 18 tells us how their relationship started and how they kept it. Friends feel comfortable sharing their fears, struggles and successes with each other. They keep secrets. They are very patient with one another. There is no enviness; with all David’s achievements, Jonathan was never envious of him.
True friends feel happy when you are happy and they feel sad when you are sad. A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity (Proverbs 17:17). On the other hand, some friends can appear to be true friends but are not because their smiles and behaviour can be deceptive. Proverbs 18:1 says “An unfriendly person pursues selfish ends and against all sound judgment starts quarrels.” They may act like friends, but their intentions are different.
These people are fake friends and it is important that you recognize them when choosing who to befriend. They are not easy to spot, but there are some key characteristics to look out for:

They are always quick to point out your mistakes, but never your successes.
They are rarely sincere
They are jealous or envious of your accomplishments
They often try to make you feel bad about your successes, rather than celebrate them with you
They are often manipulative
They don’t keep your secrets and gossip behind your back
They are never there for you
They will often jubilate over your failures. They will be first to announce it
They can snatch from you what belongs to you without remorse
They want to have all the good things that come your way
They always want to be ahead of you or compete with you

While you may regard the person as a friend, in his mind you are not a friend, but a means to an end.
A situation can reveal the true colours of the person and you will be shocked.
Psalm 55:12-14 For it is not an enemy who insults me, I could have handled that, nor is it someone who hates me and who now arises against me, I could have hidden myself from him, but it is you, a man whom I treated as my equal, my personal confidant, my close friend! We had good fellowship together; and we even walked together in the house of God”. A person who turns his back on you when you need him or her the most cannot be called a friend but a traitor. Take David and Ahitophel’s case as an example (II Samuel 16:21-22). Ahitophel seemed very loyal to David but when it became necessary he turned his back on him.
Betrayal is a bitter experience, so it is important to be careful who we let into our lives.